How to Have a Clean Divorce

When you think of divorce, your mind probably goes to the negative aspects that come with it. You may think of lengthy courtroom procedures and heated arguments. While this may be the case in some divorces, not every divorce is battle worthy of a Netflix movie. While there may be some areas of contention, there can also be some positive aspects. And the things you feel and experience may be different from what others do.

In short, divorce – like life itself – in a uniquely individual experience AND a common experience, all at once. So if you’re feeling a little strange because your divorce doesn’t have you throwing things at a wall, you should know that you’re not alone. Today, we look at some of the contradictory things about divorce that don’t get as much attention as they probably should.

Grieving the loss of the marriage is common

While you are experiencing a range of emotions, one of the emotions that gets ignored a lot is grief. A divorce is a loss and while it may not be a literal death, it can feel like one. (Just ask Adele.) You will mourn the death of the relationship and plans for the future. Every person handles grief in a different way, and it is important to have a support system in place to help you through this process. Therapy can help you work through your emotions and find effective coping mechanisms. It also gives you a chance to speak with someone who only knows you, and to talk about your feelings without judgment or fear.

Divorce is a business transaction

While you may be focusing on the emotional aspect of divorce, you will also need to remember that it is a business transaction. The divorce process involves a substantial amount of money and paperwork. Although you may be overcome with emotions, your Franklin divorce attorney is not. They will be able to look at the circumstances of the case objectively and work to get a favorable resolution. Looking at each aspect as a business transaction may help you keep sight of what’s important, and what is not.

You don’t have to see your ex that much during the process

Even though you are parting ways with your former partner and negotiating how property will be divided, it does not mean that you ever have to be in the same room as them. A vast majority of decisions can be made without the two of you ever needing to be in the same room again. Most of the process will be conducted through your Franklin divorce attorney. Most cases are settled outside of the courtroom.

Why does this matter? Because if you have kids, you’re probably going to have to see your ex more than you’d like. But in the days and weeks when you feel most raw, you can get a little relief.

Compromise can be easy

The word “compromise” carries a lot of negativity, especially when speaking of divorce. You might think that you will need to compromise on every issue that is brought up – or go in thinking that you’ll fighty for every teaspoon. The truth is, when it’s all laid out in front of you, it’s easier to compromise on unimportant things.

Plus, when you do begin your new life, you may never have to compromise on paint colors or financial decisions again.

A clean break is not so clean

Many newly divorcing couples will want to start their new life as fast as possible and make a clean break from their past. However, a clean break can take some time. You will need to completely untangle yourself from each other and this may mean constant communication until all matters are settled. You will need information from them for your taxes, car registrations and even to change your name. Separating accounts and putting everything in your name can take some time and you may need your former spouse to help.

You will feel sorry for your ex

This point often comes as a shock to many people, since the entire concept of divorce means you no longer wish to build a life with this other person. However, at one point you did care for each other, and those feelings may resurface, especially if your spouse reacts with genuine emotion. You may also find yourself feeling bad for a spouse after the divorce is final if things seem to be going better for you, but not him or her.

Your real friends will become apparent

While you are preparing to lose the relationship you had with your spouse, you may not be prepared to lose other relationships. Mutual friends may choose sides and slowly fade away. In other cases, the dynamics overall change, and the friend group just doesn’t mesh the way it once did.

In contrast, other friendships may grow after a divorce. Friendships that you had not focused on during your marriage may now become your focus. You have more time to spend with your friends and therefore these friendships will grow. Enjoy this time with your friends old and new as they become your support system.

You may become a better parent

At first, it can be challenging to find balance and adjust to a parenting schedule. Some parents, however, feel as though they become better parents after a divorce. You can now spend time individually with your child and this can actually make your bond grow stronger. Since you are not with your child at all times, you can accomplish other mundane tasks when they are away so that you can dedicate 100% of the time they are with you to them. You also get time to spend that is your own, and that “break” from constant parenting can be a real boon.

The same applies to your former spouse. They might also up their parenting game. They may participate more in your child’s life and this means that all parties will benefit. Co-parenting can be a difficult adjustment and it can change as the child grows. It is important to be flexible through the years.

Divorce can make relationships better

One of the most ironic points people see resulting from a divorce is that the relationship between the two former spouses can actually get better. This does not happen overnight, and in some cases it may take a very long time, but there may come a point in time where you are grateful for each other and the bond you share. A friendship can blossom, and you are both genuinely happy for each other.

Dating isn’t as much fun as you remembered

People who are in unhappy relationships may think fondly about their single days. Remember, though, that who you were then is different from who you are now, and dating – especially if you have children, were married a long time, or are considerably older than you were when you got married – isn’t always fun. It might be tempting to get back onto the dating scene immediately after a divorce, but you should take some time to yourself before you do so. Do not avoid dealing with your emotions by covering them up with a new relationship. Work on yourself and start fresh.

When it comes time to file for a divorce, the experienced Franklin divorce attorneys at the Law Offices of Adrian H. Altshuler & Associates can guide you through the process. We have offices in Franklin, Columbia, and Brentwood, TN. Call our office at 615-977-9370, or complete our contact form to speak with a member of our team today.